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This post is going to be about a sensitive topic; one that many people do not understand because they have not experienced it personally. I wanted to broach this subject because I get a lot of emails from readers about it and I think that it's something that should be discussed.

For those of you have not read my book, Gossamer, please don't let what I am about to write discourage you. It is not, as some might say, a book that endorses a certain type of behavior. Instead I hope that, after reading this, you come to see that it is everything but.

To those that have read Gossamer, you know exactly what I am talking about: Domestic Violence.

What makes Gossamer different is that it deals with DV in teen relationships. Why did I choose to write about such a sensitive and oft misunderstood subject? Because it should be discussed. It should be something that people read about. Throughout the course of the past few years, I've read about so many cases of young girls (and guys) being abused by their boyfriends (girlfriends) and the lack of support, the guilt, the self-blame that comes along with it hurt to see. It hurt because I was there.

I am a survivor of DV. I was in an abusive relationship at a very young age and the comments that others made about what was going on only fed my belief that the abuse was my fault, that if I wasn't so screwed up that none of it would have happened.

Let me repeat that to you: The comments that people made only strengthened my belief that something was wrong, and that something was me. If I wasn't so screwed up, so flawed, obviously the abuse wouldn't have happened to me. Obviously my abuser was right when he said that I brought it on myself, that it was my fault he hit me and abused me verbally and emotionally.

One must understand that victims of DV aren't weak. They aren't stupid or wrong. What they are is abused. Period.

When I wrote about the situation with Sophia, I wanted people to see all the facets to her. She's loyal, she's stubborn, she's intelligent, yet she was still a victim because abusers don't care what you are before they start abusing you. When abuse happens, it's almost never about the victim and almost always about the abuser. What a lot of people don't realize is that the abused rarely see that, and even if they do, they've been broken down so much that they believe that in some twisted way, it's their fault.

Abuse isn't a black and white issue. There are so many shades of gray and as long as you're on the inside looking out, it's all a fog that you have no choice but to suffocate in. For most abused women, the fog only clears when they see the abuse shift to someone else. The victim is now looking in on the abuse and seeing it from an outsider's perspective. This happens when abusers turn their attention on their children, or on others. For Sophia, it was the latter.

Yes, in my book Sophia made bad choices. Was it because I'm a sadist who wanted to see her suffer? No. Was it because I wanted her to appear stupid? No. Was it because I was trying to endorse domestic violence? No.

The reason she made those choices is because her character had to in order to finally realize her worth. She had a loving family. She had the love and support of someone else. But she didn't feel it. She didn't feel anything. She was numb and that's what years of abuse, neglect, and trauma does to a person. I know that for many readers, it took her too long to realize that she did not deserve to be beaten and abused. What many fail to realize is that her revelation came much more quickly than it ever does in real life. For her, it came before it was too late. For many others, it never came at all. And for most, it will remain buried beneath a mountain of misguided criticism , misdirected anger, and abandonment by those who refuse to understand.

If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, the greatest gift you can offer is your shoulder, your heart, your hand, your love, and your patience. Voice your concern, but also voice your support to be there for them should they need you because one day, they will.

If you are currently in an abusive relationship, you are not alone. And, most importantly, it is not your fault. 

There are people willing to listen to you and help without judgment.

Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and speak to someone who can help you find a way out.

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